by Faye Morgan

The Five Stages of Grief

This week we will cover two of the five stages of grief.

Grief is a passage, not a place to stay.  It is not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith.  Grief is the price we pay for love. 

Revelation 21:4 – He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

STAGE 1 – DENIAL

The first reaction to learning about an illness, loss, or death of someone you love is to deny the reality of the situation.

In this stage of grief, you are in a state of shock.  You just feel numb.  You wonder how you can go on or if you can go on.  Then, you wonder why you should go on.

The world around us becomes meaningless.  Life doesn’t make sense to us anymore.  We try to find a way to simply get through each day, all the while denying the reality of the situation.  Many of us go into denial and cannot accept that we just lost the one we love. 

Some of us deny we are even having a hard time or how deeply it affects us.

What do we do at the point?

1.         Get honest with your emotions – Proverbs 18:14 NKJV – The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?

2.         Ask God for help – Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

3.         Let God bring healing into your life – John 10:10 – Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”

STAGE 2 – ANGER

It is a natural response to be angry when life doesn’t go as planned.  Anger is a genuine part of grieving. 

Feelings of disbelief can turn into frustration and then anger.  We have questions such as, “I cannot believe this is happening!”  “Where are You, God?” “God, do You even care how I feel?”

It is ok to ask questions.  It is natural to feel like God has left you.  That God has abandoned you.  There is a season to grieve and a season to mourn. But seasons pass, you cannot stay there.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 – For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

You may be angry at yourself because you couldn’t do anything to stop the situation from playing itself out. 

You may be angry at God for not saving them.  You may be angry at Him because you know He can do anything!  Why couldn’t He do this for you?

You may get angry at your loved one for not fighting harder.  Maybe the one we loved so much should have had more faith.  Perhaps, they could have wanted to stay with the family longer.

You may get angry at the doctor for not doing more to save them.  You may get angry because they didn’t find the diagnosis soon enough.  Maybe you are angry because they didn’t have a cure for them.

You may have regrets over things left unsaid or undone.  You may have regrets over things that were said and done.  You may develop a sense of guilt for not being about to save them. 

II Corinthians 7:10 – Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

I know from experience that we cannot live in the dark world of regrets – I could not change a thing, and neither can you.

Philippians 3:13 – Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

We have to realize and understand that underneath our anger is pain, our own pain.  It takes Jesus to calm this storm inside of us and bring peace to us.  Just like Jesus calmed an actual storm, He is speaking the same thing to our hearts.

Mark 4:38b-39 – …And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” ³⁹ And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 

We cannot be held as enslaved people to these feelings of regret.  We cannot be a slave to anger.  If we hang onto these things, we become a slave to sin.  It is a sin to not trust God.  

Next week we will cover the other three stages of grief: 

Stage 3 – Bargaining 

Stage 4 – Depression 

Stage 5 – Acceptance.

PRAY THIS WITH ME TODAY (in your own words)

Heavenly Father

I pray for each heart that is hurting.  I pray for each person living with guilt or regret.  I pray for peace in their lives and comfort in their heart.  I pray that the Keeper of the Storm will stop the waves of hurt, guilt, and despair.  You are the only peace that they will ever need.

Jesus, make us whole again. 

In Jesus Name

Amen

Meet the Author

Faye Morgan has lived in Lynco, WV most of her life where she and her husband, EJ, raised their five children. Several of their children are now in full time ministry. She enjoys the time she spends with her four grandchildren. Faye has worked in ministry with her late husband for over 40 years. Pastoring, evangelizing, teaching, and singing. Faye is honored to share her story to help others that are experiencing grief.