I look back on my days growing up and think how carefree and crazy I was. Just stupid, actually. Silly, maybe a better word for it. But, it was MY life!

We didn’t have a TV growing up, so I was left to my own devices to entertain myself. I am a middle child, so that may explain a lot. I am the epitome of the child that has the “middle child syndrome.”

At one point in my life, I was too old to be with the younger kids and too young to be with the older kids. So, I was left to figure out what to do with the time when I would be alone. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind being alone and playing by myself, but I had to get creative.

My cousins and I even had some baptisms in the backyard. Granted, we were using the water hose, but we got soaked from head to toe, which is all that mattered! So you can imagine some of my other antics along the way! Seeing that church is the only thing I knew, I would take my cues from what happened in a church service, and maybe I could recreate something I saw.

My mom had a beauty shop, Korki’s Fashion Kurl, at the time. She had a lot of “church women.” They wore their hair so high that it would reach the sky! I have seen them get in their car and have to turn their head sideways to get all of it in! Please don’t ask me how they slept. I cannot even imagine. Bobby pins, hairpieces, hairspray, and teased hair so tight a gnat couldn’t get through if it tried, together those things held the hairdo together for a solid week; unless they had a “Holy Ghost Shake Down!” Ya’ll know what that is! It’s when the women that had hair so high it would touch the Throne, would start feeling the Lord. They would shake their head with shouts of, “Thank You, Jesus!” “Praise His Holy Name!” “Oh, I feel ya, Lord.” They would shake their head until the whole hairdo would come down! Bobby pins flying, hairpieces barely hanging on, but as a kid, I knew that we would be there awhile when one of the ladies’ hair started falling apart!

I told you that to tell you this. Those women made for a good audience! I would go out to the shop and do things from a church service, and they would laugh and hand me money! They would pay me to entertain them! After some time, I had routines I could do, and the quarters and dollars would roll in. Of course, I would take requests, too. You may find this behavior strange, but it was my way of life. Church, church people, the way people acted, the way they walked, the way they “shouted” and “danced.” I never thought a thing about it. It was all I knew.

Watching those ladies laugh at my “shows” made me realize that laughter surpasses the ages! It is a language everyone understands, even if we do not understand each other’s native language. I was hooked on the fact that I could make people laugh. Laughter made me happy, and for me to be the one that brought it, man, that was something! Something that I could do that the little kids or the older kids couldn’t. Plus, I would make money in the process!

SO MY CHURCH (BRAT) STORY begins:

We were under the Gospel tent, and as you know, anything can happen! The service was in full swing with me (on the drums), my sister (on the Hammond B3 organ), and various other musicians playing. You could look all over the tent and see people shouting, dancing, people praying for each other, running, and people falling on the straw floor. You can imagine what that straw did to some of those hairdos! They would get up, and several people would have to pick the straw out of their teased hair without messing it up. Now, the Holy Ghost could mess it up, but no one else! It sounds chaotic, but it was God’s night, and whatever they could do to worship, they did it. I think God looked down and smiled at His people as they worshiped with everything in them.

We were playing and all of a sudden, this preacher we knew pretty well, got on the stage. Deb and I sort of looked at each other. These were not the kind of services where just anyone could grab a mic. That would be a mess if that were allowed. Usually, there were a ton of long-winded preachers at our services, and we would have been there all night! So, we were a little shocked to see him on stage, so I kept my eye on him (not entirely trusting him).

He started dancing across the stage, and then he looked at me. Right at me and stuck out his tongue and winked and kept right on dancing. I almost had to leave the stage, but the drums are vital in a Pentecostal service, so I had to try to ignore him. Then, he turned and danced back the other way and so help me, he did the same thing and then started laughing! I can still see him! I laughed so hard I know I snorted!

So, the next time I had to occupy myself, I had something to practice for the women! This preacher! I practiced until I felt like I looked just like him and went to the beauty shop! My women were there, ready with their quarters and dollars. I thought I saw a $5 bill. I was secretly hoping that she didn’t want change!

Imagine being in a trailer filled with women and beauty equipment – dryers, stations with sinks…etc. It was a little tight, to say the least. But I was ready! The women saw me coming and started asking me to “shout” for them. I decided I would try out my newest trick!

I began my newest routine (which I knew would be a big hit, and they would ask for this routine repeatedly). After a few minutes, I was not paying attention to where I was and felt myself running out of room. I decided to shift a little to have more space for the big event that was beginning to unfold. Well, I had already gone across the “stage” and stuck out my tongue and winked at the ladies. Oh, they loved it. They were laughing and telling me how funny I was. I was on a roll. It was time to go back across the stage. I had already determined the route I was going for had to have more room. What I was not banking on was the little exit trailer door at the end of the hall. But the hall had more room to be a “stage,” so that is where I went.

I was not paying attention to my surroundings, just the ladies. I got at the end of the hall and I totally fell out of the door. I landed on a pile of rocks. I thought God was trying to kill me, or at least rough me up, for “mocking” the preacher! I was afraid to move, I just knew every bone in my body was broken! I wanted to cry, but everyone else was laughing. All those women and my mom was crowded in the doorway laughing at the sight in front of them! I looked around as I tried to sit up. There was a bunch of creeping Phlox in an array of colors spreading out over the rocks and the yard beside me. I remember thinking, this is my grave, but it is beautiful!

Mom finally got herself pulled together and helped me up. I was afraid God’s wrath had crippled me for life!

Not only was I ok, but I also made a killing at that gig!

WHAT’S ON MY MIND?  GLAD YOU ASKED!

Have you ever felt like God was punishing you for something? Maybe you didn’t return the cart to the bay, and then later you get caught in a downpour and got soaking wet, and you felt like that was your “payback” from God. Is this how we actually view God? A God just waiting for us to mess up so He can “put us in hell?” Just waiting for that one weak moment in our day to “zap us” into eternity without Him. Do you feel like you are playing Monopoly when you get the go to jail, “do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to jail (in our case hell)?” Do we feel like God is angry all the time, or maybe, that God hates humans and He wants to punish us for something, anything, because He can?

I can guarantee you that He is not up in heaven, sitting on a golden throne sticking His tongue out at us and taunting us and saying, “Na, Na, Na. I am God you are not, so I can do what I want to you. I think today, because I am bored, I will do something to “make them sin,” and there is nothing they can do about it!” Then we think He feels satisfied until He points at another person and does the same thing.

That is not the God I serve!

For years and years, that is the way I felt. I felt like I would never be the person God could even tolerate, much less want me in heaven with Him. I remember a preacher (in the old Union Building where I fell in the manhole) preaching. There was one of those old heat registers in the floor. SQUIRREL: If you touched, you sure felt like hell was engulfing you. Those things were the worst!  He was in a big way of preaching, and he stood at the edge of that register and said something like, “This is God. He is watching you. He sees you.” I can still hear Him saying, “I want that one and that one, but not that one. I like this one and that one, but not that one!” (paraphrasing, of course)

That absolutely terrified me. As a young pre-teen, I thought, “What if I was the one that God didn’t want!” What if I didn’t have a chance no matter how hard I tried to please Him. He turned away from me because He couldn’t look at my worthless life. To say I felt defeated is an understatement!

But there is good news!

…I have good news for you, which will make everyone happy. Luke 2:10b

Fast forward many years later, I have learned something. I learned that God is looking for any way He can to keep us with Him. He is not pushing us away. He is not turning His ear to the cries of our hearts. He is not disgusted at the very thought of us. I feel like His heart melts when He sees His children chasing after Him. His kids, crawling into His lap when we are scared. His kids, running into His arms when we feel unsafe. I found out that He is always there. If He isn’t, we need to backtrack and see where we left Him.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. Proverbs 18:10

Let me clarify something. I am not talking about a “hyper-grace” message. God expects us to live according to His Word so that He CAN fulfill His promises to His children. I found out that yes, God can get angry with us when we continually travel down our own path, intentionally sinning. It is like we are saying, “Oops, God, I sinned, but you HAVE to forgive me. You are God, and you love me.”

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,Acts 3:19

Then the LORD said, “My Spirit shall not abide in man forever, for he is flesh: Genesis 6:3

Yes, He dos forgive. His death proves His determination and love for His Creation. When He made us, He made us in His image. He knows what we can be and what we should look like. He wants us to live a life that when He sees us (and others see us), they are staring at the image of God. But, we play a part in what God can do in us through obedience to Him. Obedience to how His Word shows us to live.

“For God so loved that world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16.

Will we mess up – OH MY GOODNESS, YES! But, we have to strive to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect. We are not Jesus, so that perfection may never come to us here on earth. But, we have to strive to be like Him.

“You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:48

Pastor Jay has said many times that we should not be living our life to see how close we can get to the edge of sin without really sinning (how much can we get by with and still not sin), but if you are close to Jesus you are away from the edge, and you do not want to live there anymore. You want to be where Jesus is – to look in His face. (paraphrased, of course)

That changed my whole outlook. We cannot have it both ways! Do we want to be where Jesus is or not?

A few years ago, our church was in a 50-day revival (a blog all unto itself!) The love of God saturated us and called us to the community. In that revival, a minister from PA (I think) said something that has stuck with me. It was along the lines of this: The closer we get to the Father, the further from sin we are. The further from sin we are, the closer to the Father we are. If we are striving to be with the Father, then we will not want to sin! Wow! Yes!

As we get ready to worship and pray, ask the Lord to look into your heart. What does He see? How close to the edge of sin are you living? Are you living where you can see Jesus? Lock eyes with Jesus! Sin will only be a memory of what Jesus delivered you from! Keep Him in your sight at all times.

Lean back into the arms of your Beautiful Father.

PRAY THIS WITH ME TODAY (in your own words).

Jesus,
I want to thank You for doing everything you possibly could, even dying, to make way for us to be together – forever. That is a love that no man can understand. But that is YOUR Love. Agape Love – eternal Love. Lord, I want unconditional Love. I want to be like You!
I want to tell of Your goodness and lovingkindness to the world! I want to live the life of a child of God, wanting to please You!
I want to lean back against you and breathe. Sometimes I feel like I cannot breathe, but Jesus, with You, I can “just be.” I can breathe because you are the very air I breathe.
I want to thank you for being a love like no other. I want to be that to You! I want to love You with a passion that people will not understand. I want to be like You, Lord, and when I leave a room, lives change, and they have a better picture of Who You really are. Teach me Your ways. Teach me just to be a child of God doing what my Father does!

LYRICS TO LEAN BACK (read the words and believe what you are reading. Play the song again and worship)

You will never leave
Your love sustaining me
Before I even knew
What love was

You’ve brought me here to rest
And given me space to breathe
So I’ll stay still until
It sinks in

And I will lean back in the loving arms
Of a beautiful Father
Breathe deep and know that He is good
He’s a love like no other

You will never leave
Your love sustaining me
Before I even knew
What love was

You’ve brought me here to rest
And given me space to breathe
So I’ll stand still until
It sinks in

And I will lean back in the loving arms
Of a beautiful Father (It’s who You are, who You are)
Breathe deep and know that He is good
He’s a love like no other

I will lean back in the loving arms
Of my beautiful Father (It’s who You are, who You are)
Breathe deep and know that He is good
He’s a love like no other

And now I can see Your love is better
Than all the others that I’ve seen
I’m breathing deep, of all Your goodness
Your loving-kindness to me

Now I can see Your love is better
Than all the others that I’ve seen
And I’m breathing deep, of all Your goodness
Your loving-kindness to me

Now I can see Your love is better
Than all the others that I’ve seen
I’m breathing deep, of all Your goodness
Your loving-kindness to me